Bonus letter day

Sighz.. it's such a demoralizing sad day for me... arrgghh....
Can't believe I can live it through with a big fake smile... haa...
Got the letter from Big boss today...
It's so sad when I opened it..
Actually, I kinda expected the outcome and have prepared myself mentally for this day, so I didn't over-react. I just 'lived' it through like any other day.
But definitely, it was such a mind struggling battle thing inside my mind.

3 years....it's been 3 years since I got my last bonus... I can't swallow and feel so demoralised when I think about this.
Friends were like telling me " Hey! It's time to move on! Why stay in such a company when your bosses doesn't recognise your effort and work?"
I have thought about this many times, but I chose to stay because kept thinking to myself that in this new department (which I just joined in july 2006), the new boss will appreciate.

But somehow or rather, have faced a terrible boss (not referring to my Big boss - she's a very nice person, but somehow, she's been affluenced by my direct *F*** boss).
Last yr, I told myself, I will see how I fare for this yr, if it's still the same, I will move on.

Indeed, I am seriously considering..
Sighz... God help me decide.... :-